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Kick Your Ass Stew being reheated this morning. Click to enlargeA couple years ago, when the weather was cold and I had some extra time on my hands, I made a soup that became quite well-renowned among my friends. This happened at a time when I wouldn't balk at the idea of paying $25 or $30 per pound for a special fish and then turning around and giving generous portions of it away to my friends. As such, the first incarnation of this soup was quite amazing and kept people coming back for more.

The soup is very spicy, and I have been known to nurse a bowl of it for an hour, just to keep my mouth from exploding. This particular property of the soup was eventually the driving force behind the recipe's name, kick your ass stew.

The following recipe is more or less what I cooked for a neighborhood barbecue yesterday. I used all organic ingredients, but if that sort of thing doesn't matter to you, then you're welcome to use chemical-laden food, instead.

Yesterday's stew served about 20 people, once each, with almost an entire stew pot left over. I made one pot spicy and one pot mild to cater to the tastes of my neighbors, and, this morning, I combined both pots and added another habanero pepper.

This recipe will make one spicy stew pot worth of glorious soup.

Kick Your Ass Stew

• 1/4 cup kidney beans, soaked at least 12 hours and drained
• 1/8 cup adzuki beans, soaked at least 12 hours and drained
• 1/8 cup black beans, soaked at least 12 hours and drained
• 1/8 cup red beans, soaked at least 12 hours and drained
• 1/8 cup anasazi beans, soaked at least 12 hours and drained
• 1/4 lb. hot Italian sausage, cut into 1/2-inch thick pieces
• 1/3 lb. applewood smoked bacon, cut into small squares
• 30 sea scallops
• 1/2 lb. swordfish steak, cubed
• 8 small red potatoes, halved or cut to bite-size pieces
• 1/2 large Spanish (yellow) onion, finely chopped
• 3 cloves garlic, finely chopped
• 1 habanero pepper, finely chopped
• 2 tbsp. all-purpose flour
• 2 tsp. crushed red pepper
• 1 tsp. dried rosemary
• 2 tsp. dried parsley
• 3 tsp. extra virgin olive oil
• 1 lamb chop bone (optional)
• 1/3 cup 12-month manchego cheese, shredded
• spring water or filtered water

1. In a medium pot, heat bacon to the point where about 1/8 inch of melted bacon fat appears in the bottom of the pot. Transfer bacon, sans melted fat, to a different pan and continue cooking. Add garlic, onion, and habanero pepper to pot with melted fat. Cook bacon until nearly done and cook vegetables until the onions hint at turning transparent. If the vegetables sear, add a little olive oil to supplement the bacon fat. Add bacon to vegetables but leave fat in pan.
2. Heat the bacon fat in the pan until it starts to bubble. Reduce heat slightly to keep the fat just bubbling. Slowly add flour while stirring vigorously. You may not need to add all the flour, depending on the amount of fat your bacon produced. This is the roux for the stew. When all the flour is added, turn off heat and wait for pan to cool to a temperature suitable for pouring. Pour roux into pot with vegetables and bacon. At this point, you may store the roux mixture in a refrigerator in preparation for continuing the recipe at another time. Otherwise, keep it around while you follow the next few steps.
3. In a large pan (or two) on medium heat, combine olive oil, scallops, and fish. Stir frequently for about 10 minutes or until seafood is nearly thoroughly cooked. It will finish cooking after combining with beans later.
4. In a large pan, cook sausage on medium-high heat for about 12 minutes or until sausage is thoroughly cooked.
5. In a large stew pot, combine beans with enough water to just cover them. Add lamb bone. Cover and heat on low for 20 minutes. Remove lamb bone to garbage. Add roux mixture and stir. Add sausage, seafood, potatoes, crushed red pepper, rosemary, and parsley. Add water to cover all ingredients. Cover and heat on low for 45 minutes.
6. Serve each bowl, topped with manchego cheese, with a dark red, spicy wine. Pairing suggestions include Frescobaldi Mormoreto and Château Cabrières. Inexpensive suggestions include Casillero del Diablo Cabernet Sauvignon, Ravenswood Icon, and Broquel Malbec.